I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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