At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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