dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
