naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
did i just pee glitter
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