You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
