I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
