I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
