I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
