You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You pole danced in your parka.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
