Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Buhtt sex?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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