What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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