I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
