Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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