Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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