i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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