Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
