R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
