Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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