Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You're like the curious george of whores
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
