suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
