Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
A bitchslap is in order.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
