At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
