That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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