I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
