Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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