i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
