You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
