An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
