Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
