there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize