i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize