just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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