she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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