it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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