every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
