I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
