bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
