So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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