whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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