Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
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