My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
