you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
