Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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