dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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