R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
