During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
