Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
