She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I checked into jail on foursquare
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
