I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
