All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
