she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
