She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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