She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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