Dignity is for republicans.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
