hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
