is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
