He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
