I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
