i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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